Blarg! It’s all over. 29 days, done.

And, a new decade around the corner, to boot.

I have been avoiding doing this final post, kind of like one avoids saying goodbye; I just know it’s going to be inadequate and anticlimactic. But, I will be mature and do it anyway, because this project has been awesome and I want to end it properly. I am sure that Jill would agree, but alas, she is in Hawaii. Oh man. Hope she’s having fun.

I know that we have gone out more with a whimper than a bang, as we both have missed posting a bunch of days, and sometimes have posted really brief things. But… I don’t think either of us has actually neglected to give something any of these 29 days. So, that spells success, ladies and gents.

Except, yesterday, the 29th day… I gave nothing to anyone. I know! Terrible!

As I laid in bed after nursing Zoe to sleep, I realized that nothing I had done all day could qualify. I realized also that I did not want to give to a charity online.

I had been thinking about the Buddhist practice of giving from one hand to the other, as the first baby step in developing generosity. They say that if you have trouble extending to others, you should just start with this.

So, what I did was, I took a tube of chap stick, in the dark, and passed it between my two hands. I said to myself, “Here you go.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Here you go.”

“Oh, thank you.”

Giving and receiving, back and forth. This felt a bit silly, and a bit confusing — Wait, who’s giving? Who’s receiving? — But, I felt glad to mark the end of this project, and to reflect on generosity as a practice.

This project has given my days much more purpose and direction; even when I felt really down and constricted, I always found a gap in me that was willing to give.  Many times throughout this month I have felt that I could give so much more… that there were so many people with unmet needs. I guess that’s just what you see when you’re open to seeing it.

I am so grateful to have done this, to Jill for instigating it, and to everyone in my life who has given me so very much. I think generosity is a whole way of life, full of great joy and power, and that I am just a beginner.