Yes, today we gave people cookies. Cookies, cookies, cookies. They looked so pretty, like you woulda paid for those cookies, I swear. And they were tasty too. But this is not news.

The news is that I had a total klesha attack today. In the Buddhist world, this basically means that I was losing my shit. It is embarrassing to admit, but it’s true. I was feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed and phenomenally pissed off. Most of this was internal, because that’s kind of how I roll, but having a family means that I can only be so successful in keeping my feelings to myself. What a practice of self confrontation, to have people to be accountable to all the time! And, I guess, of giving as well. Sharing.

Noel wrapped my presents today and there were two medium-sized ones. I asked for a couple of things, but there was one thing that I asked for that I really, really wanted. It wasn’t expensive, but it meant a lot to me, and it meant a lot that he gave it to me — not someone else. This thing: a little gold necklace with a bright blue chalcedony bead and ZOE stamped into a tiny gold disc.

Maybe I’m seeming kind of like a princess, and maybe I am. But this gift, to me, was embedded with a lot of meaning. And as I said, I’ve been having a hard time. So it’s extra important right now for me to feel like Noel and I understand each other.

And then. Two medium boxes.

I knew that I shouldn’t feel this way, and I don’t recall ever acting this way about any gift in the history of my life, and yet here I was basically throwing a hissy fit in my 27th year.  The lack of a little box made me feel profoundly misunderstood. I tried to come to grips with it. I would survive. It just would have meant a lot.

When my huffing and puffing continued into the evening, Noel said, “I think you should open one of your presents now.”

No — couldn’t be!

He and I and Zoe sat in the middle of the living room together and started unwrapping his beautiful brown-paper wrapping job (I mean it — he decorated it really nicely with stamps).

My heart was beating fast. Inside the medium box was a medium bag filled with packing peanuts. Inside of that was a small bag, inside of which was a little metal box. Inside the metal box was another, nesting little box, and another, and then a small piece of tissue paper folded up.

Inside was this gift that meant so much to me.

I think… we’re going to be okay.