I think a lot of this project is about getting outside of my comfort zone. Sometimes it’s really easy to give, or at least it’s habitual. For instance, it’s really habitual for me to give Zoe breakfast, lunch, dinner, and about eight snacks, all evening and night long. But that’s not the kind of giving we’re talking about, right? This is about giving in ways that we usually don’t… expanding our horizons, opening up, growing a heart a la the Grinch.

On that note, this morning at 8 am, after I had already been up with Zoe for a couple of hours, and before I was about to put her down for her nap, Noel wakes up. Late for class. It’s freezing cold outside, the car is covered with snow, and he asks me for a ride. Gruuunnnnnnt. Harumpphhh.

Now, I think under normal circumstances, I would have eventually given in and given him a ride. But I would usually be annoyed and maybe not so pleasant. But under this circumstance, with giving on my brain, I got over my harumphing much more quickly. I wasn’t sure if this qualified as giving, but it was definitely outside of my comfort zone. I really tried to be less passive-aggressive than I usually would be, and just give the favor. Just give. (Even though he had the nerve to try to tell me how to drive in snow. Puh-leaze).

When we got home, Zoe slept in her car seat for almost two hours, and I slept on the couch, and it was utterly magical and wonderful and saved my whole day.

When we got up, I figured we had better go on a giving mission. I walked across the cold, snowy street with Zoe in her baby carrier. It’s funny to go out with no other motivation than to give. Everything felt full of life and potential… I was just looking for that opportunity. Just looking for that shiny star of Bethlehem. (Um, in other news, I am Buddhist, Jewish and not really Christian at all. I like Christmas though).

But alas, I saw no blinking arrows pointing to the perfect cause or person. None. I went into Playfair Toys, however, and they donated to ME (er, Zoe): one book per year until she turns six. How sweet is that! That wasn’t the plan!

In other non-plans, my love deepened for Jo-Ann Fabrics, where they played The New Radicals’ song, You Get What You Give, a song for which I feel unreasonably sentimental. What, I do. I also met a good-hearted yet soup-nazi-esque character behind the counter of Big City Burrito.

All of this is to say that I left my house with all good intentions and returned with more than I left with, instead of less. Hmm.

And then I put Zoe back to bed, and got to internet-searching about giving, and Noel came home. He said, “thank you for giving me a ride this morning, and for putting up with my speediness and craziness even though it was all my fault, and for everything you do. I really appreciate you.”

Oh. Well then. I guess that was a gift.

And for any of you who are saying, “Wait, that totally doesn’t count!”, I am going to see my friend Carrie now and I’m going to bring her some books and some oil for her newly-pregnant belly. So there.