Oh, I’m happy to be doing this… Several weeks ago, I was reading a women’s health magazine and there was an article about this woman, Cami Walker. She found out she had MS and went to see a healer who suggested she give one gift every day for 29 days (something ritualistic about 29 as opposed to 30, maybe having to do with the Lunar cycle…?).

There was something about it that caught my eye, but the cynic in me thought, “oh, I’m not going to read that. I hate all those self-help stories.” But in spite of my cynicism, I kept thinking about it, knowing somewhere in my mind that there was something to it.

Yesterday, my mom sent me a forward from the New York Times about Cami. I read the article and as I heard the voice in me saying, “that’s stupid,” there was another one that said, “well, what if you just try it?” I had just gotten an email from Richard Reoch, the President of Shambhala, asking for money for Shambhala Mountain Center, a place that is dear to me and to countless others. Perfect time to give, I realized. And so I went to the website, clicked on donate, and that was that. It felt so good to offer something to a place that has offered so much to me.

Today, I remembered that my mom has been having trouble sleeping as she has been trying to get off the prescription meds she’s been on for years. I’ve been wanting to go to the herb shop to get her some herbs that might be nourishing and helpful as she goes through this process.

I planned all day to go to the herb stop, but once I was out in town, I was overcome with tiredness and a feeling that I just wanted to go home.

As a person with chronic pain and illness, I constantly wrestle with finding a balance between giving and my own limitations. Lately, it feels like I’ve all but stopped trying to give. Fear, indulgence, and laziness are my frequent companions and I notice that the more I give in to them, the more pain, fear, and claustrophobia I feel. Sometimes, I believe that I AM sick rather than remembering that I am a person who HAS sickness, that that is one aspect of my vast and open mind and body. I feel a longing to give, but then when the opportunity arises, I think I have nothing, that giving is depleting — just as Katie says.

So, as I sat in the car just wanting to go home, I thought, “well, what if I just drive to Rebecca’s, buy the herbs, and then go right home. Maybe I could think about my mom and remember that I am stretching myself for her instead of thinking about how I’m feeling, how tired I am, how hard it is for me… blah blah blah. What if I just let my own storyline go for a few minutes.”

And then I called Katie and we got to talking and I told her about this idea. Her enthusiasm and eagerness to do it inspired me to push myself, even just a little. And she had this awesome idea for a blog (yeah!) and she gave me the gift of having a place to write about this and having someone to do it with, which is so helpful and supportive.

And so I went to Rebecca’s, bought my mom the herbs, and then bought Simone, my roommate, a candle because I remembered she needed one. And lo and behold, I ended up spending 45 minutes there, having a great time chatting with the staff and when I got home, the tiredness I’d felt all day wasn’t gone, but it had definitely receded as the focus of my mind.

Oh right, giving feels gooooood.

I’m not sure what I’m going to give tomorrow. But I look forward to continuing to open to the possibilities that the world presents to me that I so often miss. And giving helps me see the ways in which others are constantly giving to ME. Like my boyfriend calling me today just to say hi, which he never does, and shoveling the snow. Good to remember how much receiving I do.

Oh, and I found out that Cami has a website and you can do the “29 Day Challenge” there: http://www.29gifts.org/